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March 18th is my Dad's birthday. This last one started like many others I tried to call my Dad and got his voice mail as usual. I am not one of his sons and have no priority in his life. So once again I was feeling sorry for myself and praying to God that maybe someday my Dad would really care. I brushed aside the dark cloud and called my children's pediatrician.
My daughter had a UTI and was scheduled for a check up the following Friday. I wanted to add my son too that appointment he had been wetting the bed at night so badly that we put him back into nighttime pull up's and he was soaking through them. He couldn't get enough to drink either he was drinking 3 kids meal cups in a 15 - 20 min period. My niece had been diagnosed with diabetes almost exactly a year ago. I had thought maybe diabetes but I always think the worse and my husband says I overreact all the time. SO I thought it is some crazy infection and he needs some antibiotics or maybe it is just a phase. The nurse said I don't want to wait bring him in today. So we rushed to get ready and took him right in. After one quick urine test the Dr. came in and said it is diabetes. I was silently nodding at her but inside I was screaming NO we have literally only been here 5 mins that can't possibly be enough time. There is some mistake he is only 4 aren't you usually 10-12 when you get diabetes. Somehow I pulled my inner screams to a halt and began to focus. I am a mental list person in an emergency. The Dr. said to take him downtown and he was being admitted today , ok I thought I can handle this I pictured us at the admissions desk and then like in a movie where you hear a screeching halt sound and the film melts on the screen I hear he has to go through the emergency room they have to determine if he is stable enough for the floor or if he needs to be in ICU. ICU- ICU- ICU- ICU it rolled around in my head like a bad reoccurring nightmare. This is diabetes not cancer. We get some insulin give him a shot or 2 a day. Why are we talking about ICU. I look at my son who was wide eyed, confused, and scared. He knew he was going to the hospital and he knew his cousin had diabetes he knew a little about what diabetes is. I needed to focus on him I needed to get him through this. I asked if I had time to stop at the house and get his best friend his stuffed dog. The Dr said yes and that it would surprise her if he had to go to ICU.
The first call I made was to my Husband. My husband is all about his kids they are his world and I dreaded telling him that his only son had a disease. I think he was praying that the hospital would tell us this was all a big mistake. I told him to finish his shift and meet us at the hospital it was almost noon and I have been in many an emergency room over the years and the wait is always long and exhausting. I knew that we really needed the money and I could handle 2-3 hours on my own.
The second call I made was to my Aunt and Uncle they were coming to visit the next day and obviously we wouldn't be home. They are both nurses and were concerned and graciously cancelled the visit. I hung up with the promise of prayers ringing in my ears. I kept looking in the rear view mirror to the backseat where my scared son was strapped in his car seat. I asked him if he was OK and he asked me to call and tell my niece his favorite cousin. I knew that it was a Friday afternoon and she was in school but I dialed my brothers number. I don't remember how I told my sister in law who is also one of my best friends. But I will never forget the shock and sadness in her voice. She started talking diabetes- ese. Talking about numbers and A1c and ketones I felt so overwhelmed and confused I couldn't answer her questions. I had no idea what she was talking about. I promised to call with numbers when I got them. I heard my brother in the background and the tone of shock in his voice was unnerving to me. I don't remember how the phone call ended. I then left another voice mail for my Dad. All I could think was Happy Birthday your present is another grandchild with diabetes. Still driving I called my other best friend and told her. I do not remember the words that I spoke but I vividly remember tones of shock and optimism. I remember everyone having questions that I had no answer too. I just wanted to scream how should I know. We stopped at home and grabbed a few things and I grabbed the directions to the hospital. On the way downtown I left a voice mail for my Mom knowing my brother already called her.
We arrived at the emergency room and I settled in for a long wait in the waiting room. there were several children ahead of us. I was shocked when they called us right away. They started an IV and drew blood took a urine sample and said nothing. After awhile the Dr came in and confirmed that it was diabetes. My first question was "Isn't he too young?" That was the first time I heard that type 1 diabetes can be found in infants up to 24 yr olds. My husband showed up just as they were transferring us to our room. All the sudden I became very aware of my 3 yr old daughter that had been with us the entire time and was such a little trooper she didn't complain and she did her best to comfort her brother. I knew she was there and had not ignored her but she had been so amazingly good that I could truly focus on my son.
I left my son with my husband and took my daughter downstairs to get something to eat. Only then did she let her fear show. She asked if it was her fault and was he going to die. I comforted her and assured her that it was not her fault and that he would be OK. I told her things at our house would be different and that I wasn't sure how different but we would do everything we could to take care of our little guy. I took her to the gift shop and let her pick a small gift for her brother to cheer him up. My 3 yr old put my feelings into words when she said it felt good to do something for our little guy.
My husband stayed at the hospital the first night. I took our daughter home and made a few more calls.
The next day the training began we learned about carb counting, highs and lows and how to treat them. We learned how to give injections first on a rubber bubble then I got to give my husband a shot and he gave me one. I was handed a large binder and told to read it. The Dr went over it with me later.
That first 2 days were so intense and the realization that my child's life was in my hands hit me hard. If I missed a low he could die. If I let him run high too much he could suffer serious permanent damage to his eyes, feet, and eventually even death.
I stayed the second night and had some serious bonding time with my little guy. And I did all of his Blood sugar checks and gave him all of his injections. The injection part wasn't hard for me. I had been trained to give injections a few times in my life. And my father in law needed insulin injections about a month before he died and I was the one to administer them. I whispered a prayer of thanks to God for preparing me for some parts of this new journey.
He was slated to be released on Sunday but couldn't be released until we had all the prescriptions filled and finding all of that stuff was no easy task. We tried 3 pharmacies until Giant Eagle came through. The hubs went to get the meds. He gets back to the hospital and discovers they forgot to give us the insulin. We call the pharmacy and they close in 15 minutes. My husband explained our situation quite irritably and someone stayed to make sure he got the insulin. My husband went to get the insulin and I would drive my son home. We finally got home and I was so paranoid and nervous.
I checked his blood sugar constantly in those first days to try and identify patterns and signs that he was high or low.
Somehow I muddled through. And we are 4 mos in and the honeymoon is ending which has brought a new wave of heartbreak. For a few months he only needed 1injection a day 2 if it was a bad day. Now he gets an injection every time he eats. This new phase has a megaphone echoing in my head FOREVER -FOREVER - FOREVER - FOREVER. I finally allow myself to cry. I can finally think about life for my son and the diabetes always being there without going into a clammy sweat soaked panic. My sister in law and brother have really helped me and my niece has really helped my son. And a colleague of my husbands has had type 1 diabetes for 25 years and getting to know this man has helped me see a productive and happy future for my son.
We have good days and we have bad. But we still have our son. And I will climb any mountain and slay any dragon for my kids. I have built a new bottom since that warm March day. The world still turns, my son still misbehaves, my daughter still changes her outfit 4 times a day and the dog still pees.
My daughter had a UTI and was scheduled for a check up the following Friday. I wanted to add my son too that appointment he had been wetting the bed at night so badly that we put him back into nighttime pull up's and he was soaking through them. He couldn't get enough to drink either he was drinking 3 kids meal cups in a 15 - 20 min period. My niece had been diagnosed with diabetes almost exactly a year ago. I had thought maybe diabetes but I always think the worse and my husband says I overreact all the time. SO I thought it is some crazy infection and he needs some antibiotics or maybe it is just a phase. The nurse said I don't want to wait bring him in today. So we rushed to get ready and took him right in. After one quick urine test the Dr. came in and said it is diabetes. I was silently nodding at her but inside I was screaming NO we have literally only been here 5 mins that can't possibly be enough time. There is some mistake he is only 4 aren't you usually 10-12 when you get diabetes. Somehow I pulled my inner screams to a halt and began to focus. I am a mental list person in an emergency. The Dr. said to take him downtown and he was being admitted today , ok I thought I can handle this I pictured us at the admissions desk and then like in a movie where you hear a screeching halt sound and the film melts on the screen I hear he has to go through the emergency room they have to determine if he is stable enough for the floor or if he needs to be in ICU. ICU- ICU- ICU- ICU it rolled around in my head like a bad reoccurring nightmare. This is diabetes not cancer. We get some insulin give him a shot or 2 a day. Why are we talking about ICU. I look at my son who was wide eyed, confused, and scared. He knew he was going to the hospital and he knew his cousin had diabetes he knew a little about what diabetes is. I needed to focus on him I needed to get him through this. I asked if I had time to stop at the house and get his best friend his stuffed dog. The Dr said yes and that it would surprise her if he had to go to ICU.
The first call I made was to my Husband. My husband is all about his kids they are his world and I dreaded telling him that his only son had a disease. I think he was praying that the hospital would tell us this was all a big mistake. I told him to finish his shift and meet us at the hospital it was almost noon and I have been in many an emergency room over the years and the wait is always long and exhausting. I knew that we really needed the money and I could handle 2-3 hours on my own.
The second call I made was to my Aunt and Uncle they were coming to visit the next day and obviously we wouldn't be home. They are both nurses and were concerned and graciously cancelled the visit. I hung up with the promise of prayers ringing in my ears. I kept looking in the rear view mirror to the backseat where my scared son was strapped in his car seat. I asked him if he was OK and he asked me to call and tell my niece his favorite cousin. I knew that it was a Friday afternoon and she was in school but I dialed my brothers number. I don't remember how I told my sister in law who is also one of my best friends. But I will never forget the shock and sadness in her voice. She started talking diabetes- ese. Talking about numbers and A1c and ketones I felt so overwhelmed and confused I couldn't answer her questions. I had no idea what she was talking about. I promised to call with numbers when I got them. I heard my brother in the background and the tone of shock in his voice was unnerving to me. I don't remember how the phone call ended. I then left another voice mail for my Dad. All I could think was Happy Birthday your present is another grandchild with diabetes. Still driving I called my other best friend and told her. I do not remember the words that I spoke but I vividly remember tones of shock and optimism. I remember everyone having questions that I had no answer too. I just wanted to scream how should I know. We stopped at home and grabbed a few things and I grabbed the directions to the hospital. On the way downtown I left a voice mail for my Mom knowing my brother already called her.
We arrived at the emergency room and I settled in for a long wait in the waiting room. there were several children ahead of us. I was shocked when they called us right away. They started an IV and drew blood took a urine sample and said nothing. After awhile the Dr came in and confirmed that it was diabetes. My first question was "Isn't he too young?" That was the first time I heard that type 1 diabetes can be found in infants up to 24 yr olds. My husband showed up just as they were transferring us to our room. All the sudden I became very aware of my 3 yr old daughter that had been with us the entire time and was such a little trooper she didn't complain and she did her best to comfort her brother. I knew she was there and had not ignored her but she had been so amazingly good that I could truly focus on my son.
I left my son with my husband and took my daughter downstairs to get something to eat. Only then did she let her fear show. She asked if it was her fault and was he going to die. I comforted her and assured her that it was not her fault and that he would be OK. I told her things at our house would be different and that I wasn't sure how different but we would do everything we could to take care of our little guy. I took her to the gift shop and let her pick a small gift for her brother to cheer him up. My 3 yr old put my feelings into words when she said it felt good to do something for our little guy.
My husband stayed at the hospital the first night. I took our daughter home and made a few more calls.
The next day the training began we learned about carb counting, highs and lows and how to treat them. We learned how to give injections first on a rubber bubble then I got to give my husband a shot and he gave me one. I was handed a large binder and told to read it. The Dr went over it with me later.
That first 2 days were so intense and the realization that my child's life was in my hands hit me hard. If I missed a low he could die. If I let him run high too much he could suffer serious permanent damage to his eyes, feet, and eventually even death.
I stayed the second night and had some serious bonding time with my little guy. And I did all of his Blood sugar checks and gave him all of his injections. The injection part wasn't hard for me. I had been trained to give injections a few times in my life. And my father in law needed insulin injections about a month before he died and I was the one to administer them. I whispered a prayer of thanks to God for preparing me for some parts of this new journey.
He was slated to be released on Sunday but couldn't be released until we had all the prescriptions filled and finding all of that stuff was no easy task. We tried 3 pharmacies until Giant Eagle came through. The hubs went to get the meds. He gets back to the hospital and discovers they forgot to give us the insulin. We call the pharmacy and they close in 15 minutes. My husband explained our situation quite irritably and someone stayed to make sure he got the insulin. My husband went to get the insulin and I would drive my son home. We finally got home and I was so paranoid and nervous.
I checked his blood sugar constantly in those first days to try and identify patterns and signs that he was high or low.
Somehow I muddled through. And we are 4 mos in and the honeymoon is ending which has brought a new wave of heartbreak. For a few months he only needed 1injection a day 2 if it was a bad day. Now he gets an injection every time he eats. This new phase has a megaphone echoing in my head FOREVER -FOREVER - FOREVER - FOREVER. I finally allow myself to cry. I can finally think about life for my son and the diabetes always being there without going into a clammy sweat soaked panic. My sister in law and brother have really helped me and my niece has really helped my son. And a colleague of my husbands has had type 1 diabetes for 25 years and getting to know this man has helped me see a productive and happy future for my son.
We have good days and we have bad. But we still have our son. And I will climb any mountain and slay any dragon for my kids. I have built a new bottom since that warm March day. The world still turns, my son still misbehaves, my daughter still changes her outfit 4 times a day and the dog still pees.
