have a happy period --------- are you smoking crack?

I hate that wonderful commercial that says have a happy period! I just want to scream.There is nothing happy about a period except maybe the occasional relief that it came. When that time comes I do not want to prance around in a bikini. No flowers and sparkles follow me. It is not glamorous for me and not happy. I still have to get up and walk around ,chase kids, clean house, do the shopping and many other things all the while suffering through cramps, extreme bloating, violent headaches and the mood swings. 

All the marketing and pretty packaging does accomplish one thing! IT ATTRACTS MY CHILDREN! The pretty flowers and smiley faces attract a 3 yr old girl like moths to a flame. My son thinks tampons are perfect rockets and finger cuffs (thank you Handy Manny)! I have to hide all my monthly girly products in an undisclosed location that is no where near convenient . And be prepared to change the location because honestly my kids turn into special forces and I picture then rolling out maps riding zip lines and grappling all to get my horde of necessary evil products.

Oh but wait it gets better. Have you ever really looked at the variety of products offered. I did one day and began to laugh when I came across pads made for women size 14 and up. As I stood there laughing it hit me I wear a size 18 these were made for me. Oh my goodness I need jumbo pads, when I was growing up I always wanted to be a big girl, Lord this is not what I meant! So I put the big girl pads in my cart and went to check out. Oh and checking out is always fun. I can go to the store everyday for a month and not see anyone we know but let me buy pads and the biggest snoop I know or my husbands boss ,or my favorite my MOM. The snoop and my mother will pick up the pads and announce as loudly as possible that  it is great that I finally realized I am hefty. Seriously you are downgrading and making fun of a woman who is hormonal and has cramps that would hit an 8 on the rictor scale. Yep that's the woman I want to get mad.

Now somebody makes 6 figures to come up with the flowers on the package and such gems as "Have a happy period"  here is my suggestion if you really want us to have a happy period. Plain brown wrappers are sufficient. And with every purchase you get a complimentary housekeeper, babysitter, box of midol, chocolate, and either a box of tea or a bottle of wine your choice------ Now that would make me have a happier period.